Hanna F. Cross

[Hanna is talking to himself. Trying to vent off the sudden waves of anger and jealousy he's been feeling today, hoping that if he rants to himself, it'll go away and he can go out amongst his friends without snapping at them.]

Okay. Deep breaths, Hanna...get it out now, go out later and it won't bother you. Gah, what is wrong with me today...

[He takes that deep breath, before he starts his controlled rant to himself, still unaware that this is on.]

I get...jealous. A lot. Of so many people. And I know life isn't fair, and that shit has to happen for good things to happen...but why is it, that when bad things happen to me, nothing good ever seems to come out of it? It always gets worse.

Why do other people get to have happy, healthy relationships? Or, you know, have normal lives? I would kill just to be normal again! And...and they take this for granted! Aaaugh, why? People should be so grateful for that normalcy, for having friends and romance and jobs they actually like!! They should be thankful for every single day!

And here, oh, here, it's bad, in different ways. It's NEVER normal here. Ever. And, and I'm happy here! I have friends, and a family comprised mostly of dogs, and a job that I like that almost means something...my investigations, it actually means something here to people...

Heh...and I STILL can't afford a good sweater. I'm still basically poor, even if it's nowhere near as bad as home...

And I think I'm jealous of me here...because I know that I'm gonna have to go back to being the bottom rung of society again.

GAAH.

[Hanna makes an angry noise, trying so hard to get rid of these angry jealous feelings that have just gotten worse today.]

I hate my life. I hate other people for having lives that aren't mine. I hate them, and I wish I was them...and I hate that I hate them.

[He sighs, irritated.]

And...it's pointless to be jealous. I know it is. I do. Why am I? I can think of good things in my life...lives...I guess I'm more jealous of people who get to live normal lives, have normal relationships, over everything else. If I could have just one normal thing...like a normal girlfriend, or a normal job, or even normal stupid scars...then maybe I wouldn't be so jealous.

[He sighs again. Okay, that helps. A lot.]

That...that feels better. A bit.

[...And then he realizes that his device is on.]

Oh. OH, for the LOVE OF--

[He turns the device off, but not before swearing at it and throwing it against the wall.]