Hanna F. Cross

Is it possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone?

Because, honestly? I feel like that. All the goddamn time.

...I miss Jethro. I miss Worth and Lamont and Conrad...I miss my crappy job and my terrifying landlady...

I've been here for over a year. I'm homesick, and I'm sick and tired of making friends here only for them to leave, or then leave and come back without their memories. I'm tired of losing people or being afraid of losing people. I'm tired of feeling alone even when I'm not.


I'm tired of living in an apartment meant for a whole bunch of people. I hate coming home every day to a big, empty, quite house. When I first got here, it was filled with people.

It's just me now.

Sometimes, I wish I'd never decided to move in with Watanuki. At least living in a box, I knew for a fact I was alone. It's really the uncertainty that kills me, you know...? Oh, wait, no you don't.
I miss what Euphie and I had. It didn't last long, but...well, it was good while it lasted. Now it just hurts.

So, yeah, I guess I'm lonely. I've been lonely for a long time. You get used to being alone, and then you get surrounded by people again...the fear of losing it all is almost worse. Wait, no, that's wrong. It's not fear. It's knowing that inevitably, it all ends, and you're just alone again. Alone but even worse off. Because you had a taste of happiness and now it's gone...


...I need a drink. Or five.

...Well, Worth and Conrad are gone again.

You know, it's weird. I miss em when they're gone, but when they're here, all they ever do is argue...and also Worth insults everybody. But, to be fair, that's what they do regardless of where they are.

But, anyway, that stuff they do...it should be really annoying, but it's not. It's just so familiar that when they were here, we fell back into our old routines from home. It was only for two days, but still.

I miss em already. Hope they come back soon...and that they bring Arbarioun with them.

But you know what else they made me realize?

I have really been slacking off with my investigating business! I got so used to being surrounded with the paranormal that I just...forgot that 'oh, hey, I should be investigating and helping people'! Stupid Hanna.


So! I'm going to go make business cards! I had some at home, and, believe it or not, they actually worked!! And hopefully then, I'll be back on track.
Should probably do some magic practice too. Yeah...I'm probably really rusty now.

...Soooo...

I know Groundhog Day isn't exactly a big deal or anything, but...well, I think it's a fun holiday. Stupid, silly, and fun. It's about a grouchy furry animal going into the sun, and then freaking out after seeing his shadow!

Hehe...you know, back home, I used to go and bug Worth on Groundhog Day, just cuz. He wears this big furry coat, so I always liked to tease him about how he was a groundhog, cuz he's grouchy, his coat is furry, and his office is basically like a big dirty hole (but in a good way). He used to get sooo pissed off at me when I called him that, it was absolutely HILARIOUS!

...okay, expect for the part where he'd smack me for calling him that and then laughing. That hurt, but it was always worth it. Hehe, unintended pun too!

So, Worth, I hope you're enjoying a peaceful Groundhog Day without me teasing you. Though, if I'm not teasing you, there's a good chance that Lamont is.

...wait, there was supposed to be a point to this. Oh, yeah! I was gonna ask if there's a groundhog here...and if it saw it shadow.

I know it's stupid, but like I said, it's stupid fun.

[Hanna's gingerly holding a snow globe in his hands, looking at it with wide eyes and a smile.]

It's just like home...well, it's condensed, but all the important stuff is there! Look, there's my apartment building!!

[He laughs and points at a small, run down apartment, before pointing at other buildings with a grin.]

There's where Worth's office is, and that's Lamont's car...and there's Conrad's building aaall the way over there...and ooh, the IHOP is here too!

Hey, there's a little mini-Hanna and a mini-Gallahad there too! Nice!!

[He can't help but laugh again, shaking it and watching it snow on his homeworld.]

I hope they let us keep these after the curse...it's nice to see home again, even if it tiny and in a snow globe.

...so it's September.

Wow...I've been here since March, sooo...it's been about 6 months since I got here. Seems like time really flies here, when there's so much craziness going on, huh?

Heh. I dunno if that's really something worth celebrating or not, though. It's been 6 months, and Gallahad was only here for about half that...Veser and Conrad were only here for a month or so, give or take a weekish or something...Lamont and Toni and Worth aren't here at all...

...but I got new friends here...so I guess this is home too, in a way...

It's like having to choose, sort of...

[Hanna sighs quietly. He's over thinking things during one of his moments of suppressed depression.]

This is just a cruel and unusual curse. Not for me, because I love dancing...but for everybody who gets stuck watching me dance.

Yeah, I sort of suck at dancing. I think Worth, my doctor from back home, put it best when he said that my dancing was like 'a kid with ADD on a sugar high having a seziure'. Well...he didn't use those exact words, there was some lovely colorful language and a funky Australian accent.

Ah, I miss Worth.

But back to dancing!! I've been trying to fight the groove and, by connection, putting my efforts to fight the groove on the network. You guys don't wanna see me flailing to Lady Gaga, I imagine...

But I can't fight this feelin' anymore!! I'm going out to the Square, I heard music down there...so it's time to investigate and maybe get some dancing done in there too. I may be a terrible dancer, but at least I'll make somebody laugh!!

Dante, you wanna come down to the Square with me? You don't have to do any actual dancing...just...you know...stop me from going overboard or something...plusitssortanicetohavethecompanyok?