Hanna F. Cross

Is it possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone?

Because, honestly? I feel like that. All the goddamn time.

...I miss Jethro. I miss Worth and Lamont and Conrad...I miss my crappy job and my terrifying landlady...

I've been here for over a year. I'm homesick, and I'm sick and tired of making friends here only for them to leave, or then leave and come back without their memories. I'm tired of losing people or being afraid of losing people. I'm tired of feeling alone even when I'm not.


I'm tired of living in an apartment meant for a whole bunch of people. I hate coming home every day to a big, empty, quite house. When I first got here, it was filled with people.

It's just me now.

Sometimes, I wish I'd never decided to move in with Watanuki. At least living in a box, I knew for a fact I was alone. It's really the uncertainty that kills me, you know...? Oh, wait, no you don't.
I miss what Euphie and I had. It didn't last long, but...well, it was good while it lasted. Now it just hurts.

So, yeah, I guess I'm lonely. I've been lonely for a long time. You get used to being alone, and then you get surrounded by people again...the fear of losing it all is almost worse. Wait, no, that's wrong. It's not fear. It's knowing that inevitably, it all ends, and you're just alone again. Alone but even worse off. Because you had a taste of happiness and now it's gone...


...I need a drink. Or five.

[Hanna's got a bright big grin on his face as he walks through the streets of the City. It doesn't matter that he's walking along with the aid of a crutch on his right side, or that his right foot is bandaged up and recovering from being broken....or that his left hand seems to be clenched into a fist.

Or that he seems to be talking to himself. In fact, that seems to be the cause of his cheer.]

--And then I'll have to take you over to Xanadu, and we should go to the Zoo, they have everything there, and I mean EVERYTHING. Including dragons! We don't have those at home...no, I know, it's really hard to believe, but it's so awesome!! And then you gotta meet the kids and Iznagi, I bet he remembers you from the first time you were here...promise you'll love him again.

No, he never tried to eat your shirt....or your arm. Herbert, he's a sheep, not a goat.

[Hanna goes silent for a moment, as if listening to something that's not there, before he laughs.]

Hey, yeah!! Geez, you really are funny...chalking up another smile tally in my head, by the way!

...Yes, you're still winning.

...I'm really glad you're back, Gallahad...I missed you a lot...

[And now it's clear. Hanna sees Gallahad, his zombie friend...who isn't actually there.]

[ooc: Hanna has been cursed to believe that {...} is there when he actually isn't. D:]